Dare: "Learn this monologue by heart"

Today I received a dare, our very own 42% V said that it would be so funny if I'd memorize, by heart, Steven Fry's monologue on his loveliness from the pilot of a Bit of Fry and Laurie (aired 26th of december, 1987).
Rather then watching the pilot and writing down the sketch myself I decided to do some googlin' first, and as always when I look for something on the internet; I found what I was looking for.

This is the monologue, along with ALL his other monologues. I found this page through Colin's Movie Monologue Page. He has a search feature so if you are looking for a monologue this is a good place to start your search.
Also found this particular monologue at IMDB: Memorable quotes for A Bit of Fry and Laurie (pilot 1987) and then I found this one... I have no idea what this one is about, but it has the monologue and many other quotes. Works for me!

"I think it was Donald Mainstock, the great amateur squash player, who pointed out how lovely I was. Until that time, I think it was safe to say that I'd never really been aware of my own timeless brand of loveliness. But his words smote me, because, of course, you see, I am lovely, in a fluffy, moist kind of a way. I walk, let's be splendid about this, in a lightly-scented cloud of gorgeousness that isn't a far shot from being quite simply terrific. The secret to smooth, almost shiny loveliness, of the order which we are discussing in this simple, frank, creamy-soft way doesn't reside in oils, unduants, balms, ointments, astringments, creams, milks, moisturizers, linaments, lubricants, embracants or bolsoms, to be simply divine for just one noble moment; it resides, and I mean this in a pink, slightly special way, in one's attitude of mind. To be gorgeous and high and true and fine and fluffy and moist and sticky and lovely, all you have to do is to believe that one is gorgeous and high and true and fine and fluffy and moist and sticky and lovely. And I believe it of myself, tremulously at first and then with mounting heat and passion because, stopping off for a second to be super again, I'm so often told it. That's the secret really." - Stephen Fry, a Bit of Fry and Laurie(1987)

I love the words he uses to describe himself in this sketch, and obviously that is the whole joke. As for all of Fry and Laurie's sketches it is amazingly well-written: "The secret to smooth, almost shiny loveliness, of the order which we are discussing in this simple, frank, creamy-soft way doesn't reside in oils, unduants, balms, ointments, astringments, creams, milks, moisturizers, linaments, lubricants, embracants or bolsoms, to be simply divine for just one noble moment; it resides, and I mean this in a pink, slightly special way, in one's attitude of mind" 
This is something we should be taught in kindergarden! (...except maybe for the pink, slightly special way in which this is meant..,)